Dry Humour on the Wet Coast

Inigo Montoya: You are using Bonetti’s Defense against me, ah?
Man in Black: I thought it fitting considering the rocky terrain.
Inigo Montoya: Naturally, you must suspect me to attack with Capo Ferro?
Man in Black: Naturally… but I find that Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro. Don’t you?
Inigo Montoya: Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa… which I have.

So Doozy, Dan and I were all set to go to Sword Fighting classes downtown last night, but Dan was feeling a bit under the weather and didn’t come, which is probably for the best, because if he tried to keep up with the crap we had to do last night, he would have most likely passed out.

On the corner of Richards and Hastings in the top floor or what used to be an antique shop is Academie Duello, a sword fighting class that specializes in teaching the Renaissance art of brandishing steel.

On Monday nights, people can drop in for a free class to see if learning how to chop someone in half is the kind of recreation your life is missing. In what looks like an medieval fortress, what with the wrought iron chandeliers (lit with candels, due to the recent blackout, only adding to the ambiance), ancient looking stonework wooden flooring, and lustrous metal armor lining the walls, students of all ages take turns learning how to use various forms of weaponry, from broadswords to daggers.

Drop in students like ourselves are relegated to the beginners class, where study mainly focuses on the use to the Rapier, a light, slender sword used in Europe mainly in the 16th and 17th century. Because I do some weight training on my own, I thought that I was a little more adept at handling the sword, and when given the option I chose the heavier, metal-handled  option, rather than the lighter wooden variety. I left those ones to the girls. While it only weighs, maybe a few kilograms, I eventually felt like a character in a J-RPG trying to handle my weapon. That didn’t leave me feeling  very manly.

It was tons of fun learning all the moves, how to attack and defend, and the various Italian phrases from the Capoferro style of sword play.

What wasn’t fun was the drills we had to do for the second half of the class.

Remember taking Gym in grade school? Well it was kind of like that. Push ups, squats, lunges, crunches, and to top it all off, pushing and pulling wrestling exercises where you had to try to manhandle your partner across the hardwood. Luckily, Doozy and I came together and got to pair up. I know I wouldn’t have had a good time if I had to grapple some gross sweaty nerd instead of my lady love

Sadly, we had to leave early, having only scheduled an hour for swashbuckling in our night. And, oh man, had the drills ever taken their toll. Our legs were made of rubber along the 20 minute walk home. But one thing was certain, we had a great time.

Who knows, maybe I’ll take up the rapier and find the six-fingered man who killed my father.